Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
