even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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