Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and she was petting her beer can
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
