You just made me feel so damn special
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
