I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
