Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
