No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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