I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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