Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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