i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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