The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
