I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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