i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
