When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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