His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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