I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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