Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
