I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
