i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
