dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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