you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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