All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
