her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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