I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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