I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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