That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
