All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
