quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
