I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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