Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
