i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
