The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
