So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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