I wish my penis had an off switch
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
