I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
