Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
