2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
