The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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