and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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