Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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