in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
