last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
