White coat. Heels.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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