either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
