You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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