just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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