Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
