Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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