Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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