i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
