I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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