My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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