She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
