I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Let's get the cat blown out
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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