Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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