I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
