just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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