The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
