Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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