i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
