there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
