I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
