i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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