Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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