She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
