seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
